Friday, September 29, 2006

Do not do this!

Some smartass (you'll see his name at the end) thought it would be fun to comment spam one of my previous posts on this blog. I'm going to copy and paste it in here, so that you can all see what you shouldn't do, because trust me, I'm not going to consider anything by this author--ever.

Tips for Being a Successful Landlord

In today’s apartment rental market there are several things that are “must do’s” for becoming a successful landlord. The reason you’re playing the real estate rental game is to have the check in your mailbox on the first of the month, right? Here are a few tips that can help you to achieve this with as little aggravation and frustration possible.

First and foremost is finding the right tenant to rent your apartment, house or other rental. This is the most important ingredient in the recipe. Checking the prospective tenant’s credit history to make sure they are paying their bills is one of the best ways you can screen. A tenant that pays their bills on time most likely will send you their rent on time. Establish a clear system on collecting rent, handling complaints from the tenant and how you will contact them if you need to gain access to the apartment.

Secondly, get all the important terms of the tenancy in writing. You have the option to have a basic rental agreement or draw up a formal lease. Whichever you decide, the important thing is to document the terms that you and the tenant agreed to. Clarify who is paying the utilities, the rental price and any other agreements made between you and your tenant.

It’s a good idea to stay on top of the repair and maintenance needs of your property. When you are notified of something that is broken or not working, repair it as soon as possible to prevent further damages. You may also lawfully enable the tenant to withhold rent, sue for injuries caused by defective conditions or move out without notice.

On a similar topic make sure you are carrying enough property and liability insurance to cover yourself in any situation. A well designed insurance program can protect your rental property from losses caused by everything from fire and storms to burglary, vandalism, and personal injury lawsuits.

I hope that this has been helpful to you. Just remember, as long as you follow these simple tips you will be on your way to a happy and fulfilling landlord future. Best of luck!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Eric Goldstein, associated with which Conveniently Connects All People with All Spaces in All Places, has been dedicated to the real estate rental market for over 8 years. He has assisted over 25,000 landlords with their renting needs. Any questions about renting apartments, houses or other rentals feel free to visit or email him at

5:45 PM
I don't need to know how to be a landlord, and I don't ever need to read anything written by Eric Goldstein. I'm in a cynical mood today, so feel free to mock away; if you comment on the blog like this, consider yourself warned that you're fair game.


jonathancresswell said...

Well, judging by Google, it's not an intelligent comment, even by Turing standards; it's just spam. The "author" has posted the same text to other forums wherever some keyword appeared; their most inappropriate hit is probably the news story on a murder that took place in someone's apartment. *Someone said APARTMENT! Any you guys wanna rent?*

The author also works in shorter fiction -- featuring the ingenuous "Wow dude, I like just moved out of my apartment and these guys were sooo helpful" post, perfectly suited for gaming blogs. Guess they really do try to connect everyone with everything.

Jenny Rappaport said...

Aah, thank you for the clarification, jonathancresswell... I figured it had to be some human doing the spamming because it needed to get past the word verification portion of Blogger. Although, that's most likely not infallable.

James Dashner said...

I officially declare Eric Goldstein an idiot.

Hey Eric, does your business really suck so bad that you have to resort to such embarrassing lows of advertising?

Hope things pick up for you there, buddy.

December Quinn said...

*sigh*...some people have waaay too much time on their hands.

My favorite spammers are the sex ones. Because I write some erotic stuff, I get lots of commenters with exotic female names and shadowy avatars who post things like, "I love reading sexy books, but they make me want to go on and touch myself while talking to men" or something like that. Like...oh, I'm so fooled by your clever ruse.

BuffySquirrel said...

But...but...but I have this bridge I want to sell you. It's shiny.

Kiwi said...

One bridge? I have five. Buy now and I'll throw in a shipping container of cook books or three, including grandma’s infamous recipe for road kill stew, and how to make delicously barbequed Eric Goldstein kebabs!

There's definitely a story here!

Jordan Summers said...

Damn, and here I was going to try to sell you prehistoric puppies. *ggg* I don't know about you, but I seem to be getting hit harder lately from spammers. Not sure what's up with that, but they're targeting my blog with a vengence.

BuffySquirrel said...

Look, Mr Five Bridges, our bridge comes with a lifetime guarantee (that's your lifetime, not the bridge's) and assorted cars, trucks and carrion birds.

kiwi said...

CARRION BIRDS! Where? Oh very funny! Right then; six bridges it is, and I'll throw in a lifetime supply of SQUIRREL PIE to sweeten the deal!

Kiwi said...

PS. All this talk of dogs is making me nervous.

BuffySquirrel said...

If you're storing the sqrl pie next to the carrion birds, then I'm sending in the Health Inspectors.

Kiwi said...

The suggestion that the staff at Spam & Spam would engage in such unhygienic to say nothing of unlawful practice is in our view, extremely defaming. On the advice of our legal department, and the instruction of our chief executive, the esteemed and highly ethical Eric Goldstein, we feel that there is no choice, except to seek legal remedy against buffysquirrel, and do so with all vigilance.

And one cannot help but notice the certain irony of a squirrel making complaints to the health department. Let he/she without filth cast the first bureaucrat!

Michele said...

The following is a tried and true, very delicious stew recipe. If you're a vegetarian, simply skip the meat.
*Best if begun approx. 4-5 hours before you plan to eat.
-Stew meat 1/2-1 lb (depending on your budget and desire for beef), cut in small pieces
-1 14.5 oz can, diced tomatoes, drained
-3 carrots, peeled and cut diagonally
-a couple of potatoes, cut in squares
onion to taste
2-3 stalks celery
1 can corn or 1 cup frozen, or if you're really ambitious, cut some fresh off the cob
1 zuchinni, sliced fairly thick
1 clove garlic, crushed
pepper to taste
1/2 tsp. marjoram
1/2 tsp thyme
2 C beef broth
additional water as needed
3 T. tapioca

Brown beef in skillet, then place with all other ingredients (except the tapioca) in the crockpot. Cook on high one hour, then low the next four. Add more water as needed. Add the tapioca the last hour to thicken and give the stew good texture. Serve with homemade rolls (want another recipe?).

Good luck. Hope this works for you. If not, blame Dashner. He's the one who told me about your blog.

Anonymous said...

If you can build a wall, someone else can find a way around that wall.

Word verificiation is not bot-proof. A programmer may be immature but even the most immature among them is pretty dang intelligent, and there are several mail spam bots available for free.

I have had so much bot spam on my website forum that I now screen accounts before they can be activated and allowed to post.

Jim Freedan

Anonymous said...

A Tenant’s Guide to Renting

The first challenge every tenant faces is finding an apartment for rent that suits their individual needs. For today’s tenant, the most effective apartment search can be done using an online apartment finder. Tenants should decide what they require in an apartment or house rental before beginning their search. For example: the number of bedrooms, location or distance from public transportation and how much the tenant can afford to pay in rent, furnished or unfurnished apartment, etc. By making these important decisions first, tenants can avoid renting an apartment or house only to regret it later. Many tenants today are taking advantage of the convenience of the internet to locate apartments for rent as opposed to the traditional print publications.

Once a possible apartment or home has been found, it is the tenant's duty to thoroughly inspect the premises making a commitment in the form of a security deposit. A tenant should not rely on the landlord or the landlord's agent to tell the tenant if anything is wrong with the property. The tenant must inspect the property carefully and ask questions about it.
Inspecting the condition and functionality of the following areas/features of the apartment before committing yourself as a tenant is highly recommended.
1. Kitchen appliances in working order.
2. Water pressure strong, plumbing without leaks.
3. Electrical outlets and wiring working.
4. Walls and ceiling painted or papered without cracks
5. Ventilation or air conditioning accessible.
6. Floors, railings and bathrooms in good repair.
7. Fire escape easy to use.
8. Stairs safe and well-lighted.
9. No rodents or insects.
10. Heating system in working order.
11. If furnished, check and write down condition of all furniture.
12. Windows and doors operable and weather-tight; screens provided.
The tenant should also check the security of the building to find out if there is a dead-bolt lock, security chain, or through-the-door viewer.
BEWARE OF EXISTING DAMAGES: In order to avoid being blamed for damages that already exist in the rental unit, the cautious tenant should take every step for self-protection. Before moving in (or as soon as possible thereafter), the tenant should make a list of all existing damages and repairs that need to be made. A copy of the list should he presented to the landlord and attached to the lease This way the landlord cannot blame the tenant for damages caused by others and the tenant will know what the landlord intends to repair. If the tenant keeps good records the landlord will not be able to keep the tenant’s security deposit for damages that were actually caused by others. Taking pictures before moving in is also strongly recommended.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul Rossano, associated with who “Conveniently Connects All People with All Spaces in All Places” has been dedicated to the Real Estate rental market for over 8 years. He has assisted over 25,000 tenants with their renting needs. Any questions about renting apartments, houses or other rentals, feel free to visit or email him at